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"How
was school?" and "How was your day?" aren't the best questions to ask
children after a day at school, according to psychologists. 在心理學家看來，“今天在學校過得如何？”，“今天過得怎么樣？”，這些并非是孩子放學后最適合問的問題。 "'How was your day?' could mean 100 things," Dr. Linda Papadopoulos, a psychologist, author and broadcaster, told CNBC by phone. 心理學家、作者以及節目主持人Linda Papadopoulos博士在與CNBC通電話時表示：“你今天過得怎么樣？”這個問題可能指100種情況。 "Those very wide questions are often going to be met with 'yeah, it was fine'," she said. 她表示：“這類寬泛的問題往往得到的回答是‘嗯，還行’”。 They would've been asked questions all day and might still be in a "performance" mindset, she said. 孩子們可能一整天都會被問問題，所以放學之后可能還會有一種“課堂表演”的心態，她表示。 "Most
adults want to switch off after work and let go of their day — children
are the same," child psychologist Dr. Martha Deiros Collado said in an
email to CNBC. "Their mind needs a break and often their main focus is
on food, fun, play, and rest," she added. 兒童心理學家Martha Deiros Collado在給CNBC的電子郵件中寫道：“大多數成人在結束一天的工作后都希望放空一下-孩子們也一樣。他們的大腦需要休息，而此時他們的注意力往往會放在食物、娛樂、玩耍和休息上，”她補充表示。 Let go of one’s day：放縱、放松、放空 Why it’s such a common question 為什么家長們普遍都會問“你今天過得怎么樣？” “Children
will spend more time at school than with their parents during the week
and so asking this question often comes from a place of curiosity,”
according to Deiros Collado, author of the forthcoming book, “How to be
The Grown-Up: Why Good Parenting Starts with You.” “在一周中，孩子們在學校的時間要比和家長在一起的時間還要長，所以家長們出于好奇通常都會這樣問自己的孩子，”Deiros Collado，《如何做一名成年人：為什么良好的養育從你開始》（即將出版）的作者介紹到。 “Parents
often forget that when they were asked the same question as children
they would also grunt ‘fine’ or roll their eyes in boredom,” she said. 她表示：“父母們往往忘記了當自己在孩提時代被問到同樣的問題時，也會嘟噥著說一句‘還行’或無聊地翻個白眼。” Be
aware that asking “How was school?” every day can become a “lazy
habit,” Deiros Collado said. Remember that doing this is “not bringing
new information or connection between you and your child,” she added. Derios Collado說，你要意識到，每天都問“今天在學校過的怎么樣？”會變成一個“懶習慣”。你需要記住的是，每天都這樣問自己的孩子不會“給你帶來新的信息，也不會讓你和孩子之間聯系更緊密。” What to say right after school 放學之后該說些什么 Be patient and wait until your child is ready to talk, Deiros Collado said. Deiros Collado說，要保持耐心，等到孩子愿意聊的時候再說。 “In
the moment, focus on how it feels to see your child again at the end of
your day, for example by saying: ‘I am so glad to see you.’ ... Notice
whether your child is coming out of school loaded with emotion and
withdrawn, or all smiles and giggly,” she added. “一天結束時，主要說說自己再次看到孩子時的感覺，比如你可以說：‘見到你真開心。’……留意孩子從學校出來時的狀態，是悶悶不樂、沉默寡言，還是眉開眼笑，”她補充表示。 withdrawn：沉默寡言、孤僻、不合群 Try
to “name” their emotion when you see it. For example, you could say
”‘You look so happy! Something fun must have happened today.’ See
whether this helps your child open up ... Neuroscientific evidence shows
that naming an emotion can help bring calm to the body. Only when kids
are calm and their basic needs are met can they hold a meaningful
conversation,” Deiros Collado said. 當你有所覺察時，試著“說出“孩子的情緒狀態。比如，你可以說‘你看上去真開心！今天肯定有什么好玩的事。’”然后觀察這些話能否打開孩子的話匣子……神經科學方面的證據表明，指出某種情緒狀態有助于讓身體恢復平靜。只有當孩子內心平靜且基本的需求得到滿足時，他們才會進行有意義的談話，”Deiros
Collado表示。 When to talk to your child 什么時候和孩子聊天合適 “Timing
is everything,” according to Papadopoulos. Rather than asking them
about their day as soon as they get in the car when you collect them,
wait until they’re in a calmer mood. “時機很重要，”Papadopoulos表示。不要一等孩子坐進車里就開始問他們今天過得怎么樣，而是應該等到孩子的心情更加平靜時再問。 “Before
bedtime is a lovely one, kids are more relaxed. Sometimes that need to
wind down before bed is a great chance to talk, especially if you’re
lying next to them … [instead of] doing that face-to-face thing that
often feels confrontational,” she said. “睡前聊天是個不錯的選擇。這時，孩子會更加放松。睡前放松的時候也是一個聊天的好時機，特別是你挨著孩子躺下時……【而不是】面對面聊天，這樣往往會讓人產生一種對抗感。” With younger children, engaging in an activity might be a way to start a conversation. 對于年齡更小的孩子，進行一項活動可能是開始聊天的一種方法。 “Take
out some plasticine, or a coloring book or a puzzle, and then [say]
‘remind me … you were saying the other day that being in year 2 is
really different. Is it?’” Chatting in this way feels “less like an
interview,” Papadopoulos said. “拿出一些橡皮泥，或彩色繪本或拼圖，然后【說】‘我突然想起來……你前幾天說，進入2年級后感覺完全不一樣了。是這樣嗎？’這樣的聊天方式就不會讓孩子感覺像是在面試，”Papadopoulos表示。 Questions to ask instead 應該怎么問孩子？ “If
what you want is to hear about your child’s day and connect with them,
it needs to begin with you,” Deiros Collado said. “Model what it sounds
like to talk about your day,” she added. “如果你想要聽孩子聊聊他/她這一天過得如何并和孩子建立聯系，你需要先從自己開始，”Deiros Collado表示。“你可以親自示范一下和孩子聊聊自己的一天，”她補充表示。 Papadopoulos
also recommended that approach. You could say: ”‘I missed you today.
When I went to work, it was really funny, someone brought in a cake and
it was my favorite flavor’ … This idea of sharing is often critical in
helping them open up as well,” she said. Papadopoulos也建議了一種方法。你可以說：“我今天很想你。我今天去上班的時候，有人帶來一個蛋糕，正好是我喜歡的口味，今天真有意思‘……分享自己的一天往往有助于讓孩子也樂于分享他們的一天。” Avoid
starting questions with “did,” which will elicit a “yes” or “no”
answer, or “why,” which can get an “I don’t know,” she said. 避免一開始就問“Did”開頭的問題？對于這樣的問題，孩子只會回答“是的”或者“沒有”，也不要問“Why”開頭的問題，因為孩子可能會回答“我不知道。” “What” is a much better way to begin, Deiros Collado said. For example: “What”開頭的問題會更好，Deiros Collado表示。比如： “What made you laugh today?” 今天是什么讓你笑了？ “What was your favorite thing that happened today?” “你最喜歡今天發生的哪件事？” “What did you enjoy most about playtime or lunch today?” “玩耍或午餐時，最讓你開心的是什么？” “What did [a teacher or friend] say today?” “老師或朋友今天說了些什么？” It’s also important to talk about emotions, as they can “show you a different side of your child’s day,” Deiros Collado said. 談論情緒也很重要，因為這些回答可以讓你了解到孩子今天在學校的另外一面，Deiros Collado說。 For example, you can ask: 比如，你可以這樣問： “Were you feeling sad today? What happened to make you feel better?” “你今天感到難過嗎？什么事情又讓你感覺心情好些了？” “What was something that was difficult for you, but you did it anyway?” “什么事情讓你感覺很棘手，但最終也完成了？” “Was there a time that you felt lonely? And what did you do about it?” “今天你有過感到孤獨的時刻嗎？你是怎么應對的呢？” 這些具體的問題都有助于你了解孩子在學校里的狀態并使你與孩子之間建立更緊密的聯系。 原文來源：美國消費者新聞與商業頻道 編輯：譯銳君