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Again and again, research has found that the key to a happy and successful life is to create deep relationships. 研究一次次發(fā)現(xiàn)，生活成功和幸福的關鍵是建立深厚的人際關系。 This requires good communication skills. Unfortunately, many of us aren’t good at it. Our default is always to ask,“How are you?” 這就少不了良好的溝通技能。遺憾的是，許多人并不擅長溝通。我們默認的溝通方式往往就是問對方“How are you?（怎么樣？）” These three words, while well-intentioned, only lead to meaningless conversations. How are you（怎么樣）？這三個字雖然出發(fā)點是好的，但卻只會使談話浮于表面。 To get a genuine response and go beyond small talk, ask these eight questions instead: 要想使對方發(fā)自內心地回答并且不再局限于寒暄，請用這八個問題替代How are you： Small talk：寒暄、閑談 “How are you, really?” 說真的，你怎么樣？ You can easily transform conversations by adding one simple word: “really.” It indicates that you want to go beyond the pleasantries. 只需加一個詞 “really”,這場談話就會發(fā)生質的轉變。這句話意味著你不是只想客套一下。 Pleasantries：客套 “How are you doing right now?” 你現(xiàn)在（感覺）怎么樣？ Another way to modify “How are you?” is to narrow the question’s focus to the present moment. 另一個方法就是把問題集中于當下。 Use this when you want to connect with someone who is navigating major or prolonged challenges, such as loss, illness, unemployment, or a breakup. 當你希望與某個正在經歷重大挫折或陷入困境（比如經歷失去、疾病、失業(yè)或分手）的人進行交流時，你可以這么問。 “What’s been on your mind lately?” 你最近在想什么？ Some people find it easier to share thoughts than to share feelings. And often, what they tell you about their thoughts will also give you insight into their feelings. 對于有些人而言，分享自己的想法要比分享自己的感受更容易。往往當他們向你傾訴自己的想法時，你也可以據(jù)此了解到他們的感受和情緒。 As you listen, offer support and validation with phrases like “That sounds like a tough situation” or “How did that make you feel?” 當你聆聽時，可以通過這些表述來表達支持并進行確認，這些表達包括“這個事聽上去確實很棘手”或者“你對這件事是什么感受？” “If you were being completely honest with me, how would you describe your feelings lately?” “說真的，你最近情緒怎么樣？” The first part of this question is powerful. You’re giving someone explicit permission to share how they’re feeling, and doing it in a way that makes them feel safe. 這個問題的前半部分充滿力量。你給對方發(fā)出明確的信號，表示愿意傾聽對方的感受。你的提問方式也讓對方產生安全感。 You can change the second part of the question to ask about more specific topics, too. With a coworker, for example: “If you were being completely honest with me, how do you think this project is going so far?” 你也可以把這個問題的后半句變成更加具體的問題。比如，對于同事，你可以這么問：“說真的，你認為這個項目目前進展如何？” Or with your partner: “If you were being completely honest with me, what is one thing you’d like me to do differently in our relationship?” 或者對于你的另一半，你可以問：“說真的，咱們倆之間你希望我在哪個方面有所改變？” “What’s feeling good, and what’s feeling hard?” “可以和我談談那些讓你開心和難受的事兒嗎？” The problem with “How are you?” is that it encourages one-note answers: “I’m good,” “I’m fine,” or “I’m doing okay, thanks!” “How are you?”這種問法往往期待的回答都是一句話，比如“還可以”，“還不錯”，或者“還行，謝謝！” But that’s not how humans experience life. We have more than one feeling at a time. We evaluate situations from different perspectives. We see what’s positive and what’s challenging at the same time. 但是，人們對生活的感受并非如此。我們某一時刻的感受并非是單一的。我們會從不同的角度來評估形勢。我們會在同一時刻發(fā)現(xiàn)積極的一面和棘手的一面。 “What word would you use to describe your life right now?” “你會用哪些詞語來描述你此刻的生活？” Sometimes, distilling your experiences into a single word can spark deep insights. When you ask this question, you’re giving someone a new way to understand their what they are going through. 有時，用某個詞來形容你的經歷可以激發(fā)人深入思考。當你這樣提問時，你會讓對方從一個新的視角來了解他們所正在經歷的一切。 Once they share their word, use follow-up questions to learn more, like “What made you choose this word?” or “What else do you associate this word with?” 當他們說出某個詞時，通過追問來了解更多的信息，比如“你為什么會選擇這個詞？”或者“這個詞還會讓你聯(lián)想到什么？” “The last time we talked, you were dealing with [X problem]. How has that been lately?” “我們上次談話時，你當時正在處理（某個問題）。現(xiàn)在處理的怎么樣了？” By following up on something that a person mentioned in the past, you’re telling them: “I see you, and you matter to me.” 通過繼續(xù)提到對方上次提到的問題，你向對方表達的是：“我關心你而且你對我很重要。” You could ask about: 你詢問的可能是： ·An unexpected problem in their life ·他們生活中突然出現(xiàn)的某個問題 ·A transition they were navigating ·他們正在經歷的某個轉變 ·A challenging goal they were pursuing ·他們正在追尋的某個極具挑戰(zhàn)的目標 ·A relationship issue with a partner, family member, friend, manager or colleague ·與伴侶、家庭成員、朋友、上司或同事之間的問題 “What question do you wish someone would ask you right now?” “你希望對方此刻問你什么問題？” The person you’re talking to might be yearning to say something, but not know how to broach the topic. When you ask them to pick their question, you’re giving them the space to talk about what’s really going on. 你的談話對象也許渴望說些什么，但是又不知從何說起。當你讓他們選擇問題時，你其實就是允許他們討論目前的經歷。 Broach：開始談論，引入（尤指令人尷尬或有異議的話題） Once they’ve share the question they’d like to be asked, your only job is to repeat it back, and then give them your full attention. 當他們告訴你希望被問到的問題時，你唯一需要做的就是重復這個問題，然后百分百關注對方。 來源：CNBC 編輯：譯銳君